Short Story: Past Events Glimpse -- Erik

"Get off. Get off me and get dressed."

"But sheila, I was so comfortable there... I don't think I could move..."

"I said get off. You understood this arrangement from the beginning. We're done here, so... go. Hurry up..."

Erik rolled away off the bed, finally grabbed his things. His eyes kept lingering on me as he buttoned up his shirt by the moonlight through the cheap blinds. If he thought I was going to return his lovey-dovey look, he was dead wrong. He bent down to retrieve his pants, then paused and said, "...You'll come to my show tomorrow night too, right? Same time, same club?"

As badly as I wanted to refuse, some part of me couldn't. I... needed this guy, for now. Maybe for a while... "Yeah, I'll be there. Nine sharp, right in time for the guitar solo. Keep those fingers nimble."

He grinned at the innuendo, but I didn't smile back at him. Already I was turning away onto my other side, onto the cool half of pillow. I felt I needed a shower. He came over to try to give me a kiss on the cheek and whisper into my ear, but I just brushed him away, covered my head with the sheets. "Night, Erik," I told him, faking a yawn.

"...Goodnight, Cadenza..."

I waited until the door shut behind him and then finally let out a sigh. How long could I keep this up? I kept asking myself, after nearly every night where this same situation repeated itself. How long could I stand the meaningless meetings after his shows, our tussles in the bed where my mind was never there along with my body, where I felt dirty and cheap after each time we finished? It was eating away at what feelings I had left... made the tequilas at the bars every evening that much more appealing. That was now all I looked forward to each day. It was bloody pathetic. I knew that, and yet... I couldn't stop it anyway. It was an endless, pathetic cycle.

It wasn't until I heard Erik's car drive away from the motel that I finally heaved myself out of bed and went over to the grimy little bathroom, with a clean towel I'd brought and unpacked myself. The cold water poured down from the tap, made me shiver as it washed away all the unclean things from that night. I stood under it for a while, my head bowed, goosebumps going up my back. Back in the room, I could hear the phone going off, another check-up call from Viv...

I dared to let it ring. And ring. She could kiss my ass. I was all the way in damn Camilla and there was no way she was gonna reach me anytime soon. I needed this break. She had been working me to the bone these past months, "travel to Castile," and "negotiate with this mob boss", and all this other bullshit that I knew for sure had nothing to do with helping out Pai. I didn't even care anymore... it'd been so long, twelve years now... it seemed hopeless. We definitely weren't going to succeed following Viv's orders. She had her own plans... I could finally see that. I just... didn't have the energy to go against her...

Someone was banging against the wall. It was the couple next door, complaining that I'd been in the shower too long. This amaaazing gem of an establishment here only had enough filtered water for each guest to shower for maybe four minutes. Guess that was why it only cost $40 a night. I didn't feel like complaining. I shut off the water, toweled off, got out. No idea what time it was, but I knew I needed a drink. So I went into my room, threw on some clothes, and went down to the motel's bar. It was, I thought, probably where all the funds for the place went to. They had a decent selection of stuff.

A few (and by that, I mean like a half dozen) shots of bourbon and a couple of tequilas later, and I was high on life. The room was spinnin' a little, the birds were singing, yah, at night, and I was happily mumbling a song to myself and the bar counter I was resting my head on. It was a real nice bar counter... polished oak, kinda cool, just the right height... I traced dizzy little circles along the wood grain on it. Someone started to talk to me, but their voice was just a whole lot of vibrations in the wood. I was long gone...

Tomorrow, I'd repeat the whole thing over again.